Thursday, July 21, 2005

Pencils Ready?? You Have 30 Minutes - Now Get Naked!!!

A work colleague of mine came to work last week and bragged non-stop about her previous afternoon of pampering. 3 hours of relaxing body massage with face peel and mask and all the trimmings. Her friend runs a beauty school and she only paid €30 for the entire afternoon. After I retrieved my jaw from the carpet, I informed her that I was a big supporter of education and totally hilfsbereit (ready to help)!
Saturday I got the phone call that my help was needed today at 1pm for a Gesichtsbehandlungspr├╝fung (face-handling-test) and I dutifully showed up for duty. I found the building after only 15 minutes of walking around looking like a travel-weary tourist, checked in at the front desk and waited patiently for my student to come collect me (while, of course, knitting on the ribbing of a new polymaid/wool sock-this is, after all, a knitting blog).

Anywho, I found my student and she led me into the wellness room (or whatever you call these places) and stood next to her table holding out a towel. I figured there was a table because maybe we'd get a wee neck/shoulder rub with our face-handling thingie and started to sit down. But she stopped me and told me to undress. I immediately thought, oh right! my sweater, of course I should take off my sweater and t-shirt before getting gunk on my face. And, as I took of my sweater and did a half turn, I caught site of the rest of the room and 15 other test models - naked - ALL.OF.THEM. Naked! Like all in front of each other, okay, they were wearing panties, but who today has ass-coverage? I ask you! Here was a collection of women from 20 to 60ish and only one woman had partial ass-covering panties. And it wasn't me - there was scary white butt cheeks catching sun rays from the open windows and blinding people left and right! And when I finally got the nerve to get (almost) all my clothes off, totally skinny student girl reminds me to take my jewellry off. I got hold of that towel first so that the visible wobbly bits were to a minimum!

All my nerves were soon settled as the session started off with 30 minutes of full body massage. After that, I think I could have walked down the street naked without a care in the world - if only I'd known that lovely massage were so close behind the surprise-semi-public-nudity thing.

Then things got spicy when skinny student girl told me to get up off the table, hold my towel (which, by the way, was eensy!) over my boobs and stand on another eensy towel on the floor. She then covered my legs in one of those goes-on-cold-and-gets-super-hot lotions and proceeded to wrap me in SARAN WRAP. Just like Fried Green Tomatoes. Wrapped in plastic wrap, baby! And she waddled me back towards the table, tipped me over and painted my boobs yellow (and me with no camera!). I think that's when I passed out for the first time.

The plastic wrap stayed on for another 2 hours and my face was peeled (passed out for the 2nd time - man, was that stanky!), masked, wrapped, scuffed and made-up. Nails were painted. Feet massaged! and eyebrows plucked. Three and a half hours later and I was one hot cookie! 4:30 in the afternoon and Dave was still in a meeting, so I headed my hot-self into Finnegan's for Happy Hour!

Can't wait to go back next time (and wear bloomers!!!)


  1. Massage. Yum. Who cares about the nakedness.

  2. Moonlight Theatre in Clermont - no dressing rooms. One big common area backstage. Getting from street clothes into costume with everyone else. Last two shows have had an abundance of teenaged boys (I think word may have gotten out about the dressing room situation). I could undress in front of a room full of nuns at this point. So where do I sign up?

  3. I think maybe I should start practicing this public nudity thing, but where.....